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Son of Gondor

Linaewen's New Calendar

**Linaewen comes into the room and excitedly holds up a shopping bag.**

Lin: Look what I got at K-Mart, for only $8! A 2004 Two Towers Daily calendar!

**Boromir doesn't look up. He is lying back in a Lazy Boy recliner, leafing through Issue 3 of the Fanclub magazine.**

Boromir: You will not like it.

Lin: Why not? (She rips open the package, gets out the calendar and starts paging through it.) These calendars are really well done. Wow, some of these are really nice shots! A few seem to be a bit blurry, though; is that what you meant? Oh, this is a nice one of Eomer!

Boromir: (pointedly not looking at the calendar) You could not purchase a Fellowship of the Ring calendar this year?

Lin: No, unfortunately! I did look for one, but there was not one to be had. (She continues to look at the calendar page by page.) Hmm, I never saw that scene in the film...

Boromir: (sighing quietly) Are there any pictures of me in this one? Perhaps in the Balrog scene?

Lin: No, none of you, not yet. Oh, here's a really good one of Faramir.

**Boromir, looking vaguely interested, comes around to look over Linaewen's shoulder.**

Boromir: There should be at least one picture of me. After all, I was in the movie... quite a bit really... for someone who is supposed to be dead...

**Linaewen murmurs something soothing, as Boromir continues.**

Boromir: (grumbling) I suppose it is too much to hope for, since I got cut out of the Theatrical version.

Lin: Now, now. Don't be bitter.

Boromir: I am not bitter. At least, not very bitter. I am expecting great things from the Extended version of the film... Still nothing?

Lin: No...I hoped there might be, but...Ah, look at this one of Aragorn! (She holds the calendar up for Boromir to see.) It's a very clear shot of him wearing your leather armguards.

Boromir: Hmmm, yes... Keep looking.

**They continue to look through the calendar, page by page, but at last they must face the truth.**

Lin: Drat.

Boromir: So, cut out again.

Lin: Yes, it would seem so.

**Silence reigns for a long time. Boromir turns away and, returning to his chair, picks up his magazine again.**

Lin: (trying to sound cheerful) There are some very nice pictures of your armguards...

**Boromir ignores her attempts to mollify him.**

Lin: Well, it's still a nice calendar, and I do like it... (Boromir gives her a glaring look from under lowered brows.) But I have to admit, it lacks a certain 'something' without a picture of you in it.

**Boromir smiles and calmly turns a page of his magazine.**

Boromir: You could always take my pages you have collected from the old calendar and paste them over the pages of this calendar.

Lin: But... the days wouldn't match!

Boromir: No matter. It will only be slightly confusing. You do not look at the date anyway, just the picture.

Lin: (thinking) I don't know... Mr. Lin would have something to say about that, I expect. He's put up with quite a lot, really, what with all the talk of Boromir this, Boromir that... Boromir action figures, the Boromir wallpaper and screen savers on the computer... I think it might be too much to ask to make him look at an altered TT calendar. I can just hear him now: "Hey, he wasn't in the film. Isn't he supposed to be dead? And what's this with the calendar?"

Boromir: (shrugging) As you wish, I care not.

Lin: (smiling bravely) Besides, it will be good for me to have a whole year's worth of calendar pictures that don't include you. Perhaps I'll finally be able to forget about you and move on!

**Boromir and Linaewen look at one another steadily for a long moment. Suddenly, they break out into hysterical laughter.**

Boromir: I fear not!

Lin: What was I thinking?!

**They look at one another again.**

Lin: Right.

Boromir: (getting up out of the chair) You seek out the old calendar pages from this past year.

Lin: Yes... and you fetch the glue and the transparent tape.

Boromir: Gondor will see it done!