27 February 2006 I biked 10 miles today using higher gears, easily. I was thinking today about some of the terrible things that have happened in my life and began to wonder how often I complain to God for what has happened without stopping to think that maybe He had little to do with it. Life happens. And yet have I thanked him for all the good that has come into my life? So what brought these thoughts to me? I was struggling with this new doctor and wondering about my abilities and then glanced down and watched my dog snuggling in her bed, wriggling her head until she was content, and sighed and slept. My sweet child I know is a blessing from God and for her I am truly thankful. I have also been blessed with wonderful friends who lift and inspire me, and only Light can do that, so they too come as gifts from God. Life is far more pleasant when I wrap myself in gratitude to God for all His goodness and kindness to me, but I must also forgive myself for not understanding the loving nature of God. He is teaching me, and I am willing to learn.
28 February 2006 I planned to bike 20 miles today, but only biked 8 miles. Life happened... no God happened. Things have been interesting of late, stirring up the past and trying to piece together only bits and pieces of memories. I was angry and ready to battle. Unfortunately, Iíve learned a scorched earth policy. You must so cripple your opponent that they are unable to rise, if you donít, they will take you out, and all done with mind games. Scary. This morning I was able to settle long enough to ask God how else it could be handled. I was now 5 miles into my bike ride. I felt a calmness within me that seemed to whisper ďAre you willing to turn the battle over to Me?Ē I was startled and had to admit that I didnít entirely trust God, but then I realized that it was not He who taught me distrust. He has worked tirelessly to teach me to trust. I nattered for another mile, then calmed and agreed to turn everything over to God. I was willing to trust Him to fight my battle for me, in His way. Then I got a flat tire. And I can remember rolling my eyes and thinking ďYou fight my battles for me by giving me a flat tire? What kind of strategy is that? I ask you!Ē Then I had to laugh and again declared that I would let Him fight my battles for me HIS way, even if I didnít understand it. I couldnít reach my family, which was a good thing. I called one of my friends and couldnít get through. I knew neither of my Visiting Teachers had cars, so I turned to my Home Teachers. Now, I knew both men worked, but I hoped the wife who had come to visit would be home. She had helped me pick up work once before. She was and she came and got me. We laughed and talked and it was delightful. Then my dad took me to pick up work and then dropped me off to get my tired fixed. Itís an easy bike ride home. Iím very behind in getting started today, but Iím not worried. It will be all right. God is fighting my battles for me; I just need to keep moving forward.
1 March 2006 My mammogram went well this morning, and I tweaked up my physical therapy adding another round of the overhead exercises with one pound weights. I also decided to not continue typing for this new doctor. Even in my work as a medical transcriptionist, there is such a thing as too much information. I donít mind it once in a while but a daily diet for hours on end is simply too much for me.
2 March 2006 I got brave and explored a new route today for my bike rides, ending up biking 22 miles. I thought 20 was soooooo hard! LOL! If Iím going to finish that race in November, I have got to get my miles up, but then I have to remind myself to not push too hard too fast. The extra work is taking its toll. Iím not sorry Iíve decided to not pursue this particular path at this time. Iím discovering a willingness to allow God more participation in my life. It feels good. It feels peaceful.
3 March 2006 I biked an easy 10 miles today. Iíve feeling yesterdayís workout a bit, but not too badly. Iím tired. It is such a relief to not have the extra work any more. MissB is noticing as well. Weíre both more relaxed. Iím even getting a bit of writing done. Woohoo!!
4 March 2006 I didnít bike at all today, as my dad and I went to the Ren Faire for several hours. It was fun. We met a couple of Ringers from the board and another friend of mine. It was such a pleasure to share their company. We carefully chose the things we wanted to see most, as I knew I wouldnít be able to stay the whole day, both because I still tire easily and MissB would have missed me. She wonít go outside with anyone else. She did quite well despite us not getting home until almost 3pm after leaving at 9am. We saw the carillon, bagpipes and drums, falconry, and archery. Amazing and wonderful. I treated myself to a veggie crepe with lots of mushrooms and a raspberry and chocolate crepe. I also purchased a couple of more pouches, in purple and blue, very pretty. Iíve loved my green one that I acquired last year. Everything I really need while Iím out and about can fit in it, even my cell phone (barely!) but the leather strap fits neatly around my wrist. Itís much better for my back not to be carrying a heavy purse around. Then Dad and I stopped and picked up more dog food at Target and Fryís as well as some treats and a few things for me. LOL! Iím tired, but itís a good tired, and glad to be settling quietly for a while. Itís a pleasure to be able to write again. My mammogram report came back within normal limits. Yay! My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer with her second mammogram, so being normal is a reason to celebrate today. :-)
5 March 2006 Iím a little weary from yesterdayís activities. MissB seems to have made it through in reasonably good spirits and not too much sulking. ;-) I need a day of quiet. At church, weíve been asked to Fast today for rain, as weíre now about 140 days or something like that without rain. We need it desperately. With my kidneys, I wonít skip my water, but a couple of meals would not have been difficult before I started my Hobbit Habit, but not too difficult I think, as I consider the purpose of this Fast. I will also be including several friends in my prayers today, who are going through some difficult times at the moment.