29 May 2006 Only did a short walk with MissB this evening. After a bit of IBS last night and this morning, I thought it best to skip on the regular exercise routines. Iíve thoroughly enjoyed reading HP5, especially knowing itís being filmed right now. I took care of my sisterís cat while she was gone this weekend and discovered, I really like the cat. LOL!
30 May 2006 Awoke this morning feeling like the black cloud that Iíve been living under completely dissipated. What a blessing. I also awoke with a new determination to take better care of myself. I biked 12 miles easily and have eaten pretty healthily today.
31 May 2006 Had a rough night so only biked nine miles this morning. Today is day two of eating healthily. Iím quite enjoying it. My new client is working out nicely. MissB is having a better day today. All the times I wondered if it is time to call the vet, and then I watch her as I tossed a tennis ball.; although she did not actually chase it, she watched it with her ears pricked forward with interest. Those bright brown eyes... bless her.
1 June 2006 Day three of eating healthily. Itís kind of fun to see if I can do it. Itís easier now that Iíve got more of a FlyBaby attitude about it. If I make a mistake, it doesnít matter. I just jump in where I am and keep trying. Iím going to take a look at the bus routes to see if maybe I can bike out to Dr.Rís and then take the bus back. I also did an anti-procrastination day one day late. LOL! I got rid of about eight large bags of books. Some I was able to sell to Bookmanís and the others got donated to Deseret Industries, but they are no longer my concern. Funny, itís easier to consider getting rid of even more things now that the lot is gone.
2 June 2006 Day four of eating healthily. Iím not sure how Iíll do today on the eating healthy. I did only a nine-mile ride. MissB was restless last night and eating until after 11pm. I wasnít angry because I was reading HP5 and almost finished. I admit I was also afraid to go to sleep that MissB might have an accident. So by 2:30am HP5 was finished and I slept an hour when MissB wanted to go outside, then back to sleep for two more hours, so weíre talking a grand total of three hours. Iím feeling pretty good at the moment. Iím doing the FlyLady 15-minute routine where I work for 15 minutes and take a break. Hopefully, this will help me get through the day without getting frustrated. And I checked the bus routes; this has possibilities, though Iím still worried about how hot it gets so early.
3 June 2006 Didnít do great at eating healthily yesterday, but could have been much worse. So far today, Iím doing pretty well. Only got three hours of sleep again last night, the same three as the night before. I need to figure out why Iím afraid to go to sleep. Iíve managed to keep going despite the lack of sleep. My sister and I did a bit of shopping this morning. It was fun. I was thinking about getting a hot plate but decided on an electric 12Ē skillet instead. It will be able to do all the things the hot plate could and more.
4 June 2006 I finally slept well last night. I held a special fast today, for MissB. I pray for her to go peacefully in her sleep. As I drew my fast to a close I was realizing that the reason I havenít slept well and have been burying myself in books is simply because I cannot bear the thought of her passing. I want to spend as much time with her as possible. There is something remarkably comforting about glancing at her bed and seeing her there, day or night. I closed my fast by praying also that I will be able to be brave for MissB. She hates it when Iím distressed, so Iím shrouding myself in peace, Godís Grace. With that prayer, the dark cloud that has surrounded me has dissipated. Some of the books have also been necessary for my learning. I thought the romance novels I was reading were simply to help me see more clearly the path for my own writing, but today as I read I knew that there were things in my past I needed to settle. The books in fact have shown a path I might have taken, many years ago, but I chose differently. It is with an unexpected peace that I am able to realize that I am not sorry in the least for my choices. Life took me down entirely different paths than I dreamed about or wanted, but I know now they were the paths I needed to follow. I know that I am happier than I have ever been in my life. That is not to say that life is perfect. I have learned that perfection is not what I thought it was. God is perfection, and I am at least wise enough to know that I do not understand God or His ways. But today, I decided that I would bend my will to His, and let Him guide me where He may. I need not fear, for He knows the way ahead. It will be difficult and painful, but bearable and doable. And there will be sorrow, but there will also be great joy and beauty.