10 July 2006 Today, I made it to Morannon with Aragorn and company, distracting the Eye of Sauron from Frodoís final push for Mt. Doom and the destruction of the Ring. I biked 12 miles, instead of 9. Nine just isnít quite enough. I also remembered to add an extra one-mile walk. I have got to up my workouts if Iím going to be able to even consider the madness... the race in November. I finally got smart this evening and made myself some PMS tea,
11 July 2006 What a day. Attended the funeral of the father of one of my childhood friends, whom I still keep in touch with. Iím very glad I did. MissB did quite well, despite all the time I was gone. What a relief.
12 July 2006 FlyLady has discussed inner brats. Many FlyBabies name their inner brat. I couldnít choose a name. Then I started thinking about my eating habits of late (theyíve been atrocious), and I realized that mine is simply named ďHunger.Ē She is always hungry, for acceptance, love, understanding, food, and her appetite is contradictory. She wants to eat healthily but also likes the food that isnít healthy. She fears going hungry, of not having enough. Iím not sure how I can tackle the problem of reassuring her that she is enough, but defining the problem is a good start on resolving it. Itís nasty hot out there. Weíve had heat advisories this week, and Iím feeling it. Iíve still managed to up my workout a bit.
13 July 2006 My sister has suggested naming my inner brat so I can learn to better take care of her so she stops sabotaging my progress. Sheís the one who abdicates being invisible because then people donít notice you and if they donít notice you then they canít hurt you. Sheís the one who is certain that she will be neglected and forgotten and must eat and eat and eat for when the famine comes. This is not going to be easy. There is good news on the MissB front. I think Iíve finally figured out our nighttime problem. With the discontinuation of Bonz, our nighttime routine was disrupted. Iíve found another treat (Schmackos or some such nonsense) and she only gets it at night just before bed. Iíve been trying this for two nights, and both nights MissB only woke up once. Iím sure Iíll feel MUCH better once I start getting some sleep. LOL!
14 July 2006 Last night, MissB slept through the night! Wow! I truly hadnít comprehended how much she missed a bedtime routine. This is manageable. Iíve named my hungry waif. And Iím starting to make some changes. I realized that I havenít celebrated going my physical therapy 6x a week every week for months. I used to celebrate at the end of each month, then I got so good at my routine it was like I didnít believe I deserved any self recognition for what I was doing. Iím doing more in my physical therapy than ever before and yet I take it for granted that I will simply do it because I must. So I splurged. A DVD collection I have wanted for a long time dropped in price, a little, so instead of waiting for some more special occasion, I ordered it. Iíll have to be careful of how I spend money the rest of the month, but with the curbing of my food appetite, Iíll save money in that direction. LOL! I knew I had been PMSing, but I had also forgotten. Now my mood swings and binging make a little more sense. :-)
15 July 2006 My Brat is making some interesting new choices and what she considers to be a treat and a favorite is not entirely what I expected. So, I need to learn what I really like. I feel like the ďRunaway BrideĒ that doesnít know how she likes her eggs, though I do like mine over easy on white toast. LOL! But there are plenty of other things I need to explore about myself. For example, I feel more prepared to face the day if Iím wearing jewelry. Iím learning not to hang onto clothes just because I paid for them. I own too many that arenít really what I like but what I thought I should or what had been given to me. Truth be told, I donít actually know what my style is, as far as clothes are concerned. Every day, I find myself in awe of my sweet MissB. What a blessing she is to me.
16 July 2006 Miracles still happen. Both MissB and I slept through the night last night until 5:15am, which is when we usually get up during the week, and then we went back to sleep for 3 more hours! It was wonderful. Itís hard to believe itís been four years since Pawn passed. What a choice blessing it was for me to have him as a part of my life for as long as I did and to be able to be with him at the end. I still miss him from time to time, but there is very little sorrow now. I also remember that I have great reason to rejoice because I found a couple of very dear friends because of that passing. Life is interesting. Iím trying not to think about the upcoming TNT meeting, as I find myself chasing my tail, so to speak, wondering what will be expected and whether or not Iíll actually be able to participate. In less than two weeks, Iíll find out. I canít think about it. :-)