14 August 2006 I had to report for jury duty, and though I wasnít selected I had to wait around for four hours. My back was not happy. I walked the hall for over two hours and finally lay down on the floor in the snack room. It was the coolest place in the area. Then I walked some more, and then lay down again. The most difficult part was coming home, and there was no MissB to greet me and tell me that she adored me no matter what. There was no scratching behind her ears in just the right spot, or leaning against my hand as hard as she could as I skritched the side of her face, nor a satisfied stretch from rubs under her chin.
15 August 2006 As I feared, my back seized up this morning. So frustrating. I felt like the criminals had more rights than I do. They are presumed innocent until proven guilty, but I was presumed guilty of lying about being medically disabled until proven innocent. Iím finally getting my back to relax, slowly but surely. Another day or two, and hopefully the damage will be reversed. Itís so frustrating when Iíve worked so hard to get this far! Today, I was thinking about when MissB was a puppy, and how she would bury her face in my hair. How I loved that. I also remember how she used to dance when she was excited. She would hop from paw to paw and throw her head from side to side and her mouth would be open like a big grin and sometimes she would lunge at me, nose to nose. I didnít allow myself to remember all those wonderful times because I wanted to enjoy the moment. Now, I get to remember it all. What a sweet thing.
16 August 2006 My back is still very unhappy, though it is a little better, i.e., I donít feel like crying and actually stand straight sometimes. Iím able to do my 10-mile bike ride, still. Whew! And Iím able to do my work. YAY! The new doctor is working out. I can hear her fine, so the most difficult part now is simply the new vocabulary. MissBís license renewal arrived today, in the mail. It was a little more difficult than I expected to have to check that box of This pet is deceased. Iím still not sorry I made the choice I did, and I miss her more than I can say.
17 August 2006 I was actually able to stand straight, when I first got up this morning. Progress. LOL! It has occurred to me that I took exceptionally good care of MissB, being careful about what she ate and the exercise she got. Itís time I took the same deliberate care of me. Eating is a tough habit to break, particularly since one must eat, so one canít simply stop. I think I can learn to change my eating habits though. Iím working on it now. And my new doctor likes me well enough such that one of the other partners in the office has decided to hire me as well, and the staff thinks the third will also take me on. Between them, Iíll have about half a doctor. Theyíre usually at the hospital, so Iíll essentially be doing piecemeal. I like that.
18 August 2006 Kevin gave me a homework assignment to see The Break-Up. I saw. Fortunately, the evening wasnít a complete loss. My sister went with me, and we had an enjoyable time, despite the movie. She also took me to pick up MissBís remains. I find it remarkably comforting to that them. It was so nice to see the pretty writing of her name, spelled correctly, and the death date. The young woman who helped us explained how she had gone to one of the pottery shops where you paint the piece yourself and they fire it for you and painted her own Ďurní for her departed pet. I donít know if I want to paint my own, as Iím not particularly talented in that department, but Iím keeping my eyes open for a pretty container.
19 August 2006 My sister picked me up this morning at 6am to go for a walk. We pulled grass from her flower box and had breakfast here. I got a tape late last night from my lawyer and typed it up today, and finished my tape from DrR. I hadnít intended to put it off so long, but itís finished now. Also did some shopping with my sister in the afternoon, a book and a new pair of inexpensive earrings. I did my laundry and traded the pillowcases on MissBís bed for the ones that were her favorites. How funny, she really did prefer the rose pillow cases to the plain white and blue with white stars ones.
20 August 2006 Iím feeling very quiet. I think thatís okay, too. I need to get back into the habit of drinking more water. Iíve been more than a little distracted. Iím sleeping through the night every night again.