28 August 2006 I called MissBís vet today. I thought I could handle it. I barely said ďhelloĒ and started to cry. I miss her. Iím pleased that I am able to say simply that she passed. With Pawn, I always had to say that I put him down. With MissB, I feel very keenly that I merely helped her along a little.
29 August 2006 Iím up to biking 14 miles. It was blessedly cool this morning. Summer is losing its hold.
30 August 2006 What a day. Iíve been terribly distracted and struggling to get my work done, with my mind wandering constantly. I finally finished my work at 1230am. And yet, I know Iím avoiding having to go to sleep. Those moments between settling and falling asleep are so difficult.
31 August 2006 Itís already the end of August! Where does the time go? Iím not doing well with my eating right now. Some sleep would help. Iím tired in other ways, too.
1 September 2006 I saw Kevin last night. It was a good session. Iím grasping so much more, and headed in a good direction. From time to time, Kevin asks me what I want from him, so to speak. It seems to be his way of wondering if itís my last visit. I continue to reply that I need someone outside the situation to be accountable to, and to help me recognize what is healthy and what isnít. He was quite pleased with a number of my perceptions and paid me the highest compliment I could think of ďThose are HEALTHY perceptions!Ē Iím getting it! Iím also exhausted. Iím now typing for all three doctors, and even though it really isnít very much material, itís new and that makes it so much more work.
2 September 2006 Walked with Ruth this morning. It was gorgeous! I also did a short bike ride and physical therapy. I also did a lot of up and down stairs, working in the basement. Iím getting rid of more things. Iím ready to get rid of my big stereo system, and am part way there to being ready to get rid of my little kitchen table and chairs. I managed to clear more than half of it off. I have to find places for all the things sitting on it, like my breadbox and toaster oven and cooking tools. Itís amazing to me watching the room slowly clear. It was piled high with things for so long, and I thought it was all necessary. Iím learning. My allergies are kicking in, and I canít remember when they were last this bad.
3 September 2006 Wow! Where does the time go? Itís September already. My Home Teachers, from church, came by for a visit this afternoon. Their lesson was about having trust in God. It has occurred to me that though I frequently declare that trust is difficult for me, I begin to think that in truth I trust deeply and almost completely, especially now. I think that trusting does not mean a lack of doubt; trusting means believing in spite of the doubts.