16 October 2006 255 miles. Iíve acquired a new acquaintance, another cyclist. A couple times a week, we meet at the same stoplight. Heís caught up to me. He talked to me the first time last week when I carefully moved my bike out of reach of the sprinklers. He teased me about not wanting to give my bike a bath. He then commented that next time heíd be sure to bring a bar of soap. Well, today was next time. He complained that the water too far away, as the sprinklers hadnít turned on next to the road yet. He looked at me and asked horrified, ďArenít you cold?!Ē I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I laughed and said, ďNot any more.Ē It has only just occurred to me how this could have a double meaning. Sigh. I do this all the time. He was decked out in knits and all, then decided that since he started at a quarter to six it was colder, and I added that a half hour could make a difference, and besides it simply wasnít cold after the first mile. Itís been fun to simply lightheartedly laugh without any undercurrents, though I can be a bit daft about that kind of thing.
17 October 2006 277 miles. It looked like rain today. I asked God to keep me dry for the three hours Iíd be outside. I found myself laughing, knowing that God may or may not oblige, but it didnít hurt to ask. God may or may not protect or intervene, depending on His greater purpose, but He is always there, always available. He never turns His back, never abandons. He is always near, a breath away... a prayer away... a thought, a wish, unfailing.
18 October 2006 292 miles. My early morning biking partner wasnít there today. We probably missed each other, not that it really matters. Itís such a short moment, but it made me laugh, so Iím grateful for it.
19 October 2006 314 miles. The 22-mile rides really arenít that bad, but these 3 hours of sleep are killer. In Linda Barrettís book, The Apple Orchard, she discusses closure and how going to a funeral will not offer it because closure comes from inside the mind and heart. Iíve kept telling myself that when Iím finally out on my own Iíll finally be able to get some closure. Iíve been depending on an event, instead of allowing God to give me what I need now.
20 October 2006 327 miles. I was thinking to myself that God was a saucy baggage, and I could almost hear Him reply ďSo thatís where you get it from, child. You came by it honestly; you got it from Me.Ē God definitely has a sense of humor. There is evidence all around us: watching dogs or horses or cats at play; thorn bushes have roses; rain when the sun is shining; duckbill platypus; anytime God mentions time since it is meaningless to Him who is timeless; Pawn, my horse, and the rabbit who helped him itch his face; the way MissBís whole body would wag when she was excited... I think that all my life I have taken myself far too seriously, but then I never really learned to play... I was very good at pretending; pretending was survival... but to play... just for the joy of it... I can remember having to teach myself to ďdanceĒ through sprinklers...no, now that I think about that, MissB taught me to do that. She would run, flat out, between the sprinkler heads at ASU, sticking her head close, biting at the water as it shot from the head. More than once we ended up with an audience, simply to enjoy watching her enthusiasm and joy. So many things she did made me laugh. How I miss her.
21 October 2006 I am tired beyond words. I only got 1-1/2 hours sleep last night, definitely not enough. Ruth and I walked four miles and did our callenetics, and we both did more of the callenetics than we ever have before, so weíre making steady progress. We went shopping in the afternoon. I needed a new ďheadsetĒ for my phone, and wow! they replaced it for free! Managed to post another Sacrament chapter. Itís so good to be writing again. I introduced myself to one of the neighborhood cats. I do not know if itís owned or a feral, but it is beautiful, white and grey, with blue eyes. If he were mine, Iíd call him Mithrandir, for he seems very Gandalf like. I apologized for all the times Iíve chased him off, explaining that MissB did not like cats. The poor thing had been cornered in her own pen, when she was a puppy, by a nasty feral bigger than she was. It was a terrifying experience for her and for me! I told him that now she was gone, he was welcome to stay as long as he liked, but he must watch out for the old grumpy man, because he wouldnít countenance having a cat on the premises. Mith seemed prepared to accept the terms. We shall see.
22 October 2006 Though I managed to sleep for ten hours last night, I know Iíve still got some catching up to do. I found the sheets of paper my sister made for me that have 1000 squares to mark off. I have them hanging on my door now. I can do this.